September 15th

I didnt really enjoy today, and i know that i always tell myself in the morning that i must take the time to make it memorable and make the best of it.

But school is getting to me. i dont like being there, i dont really enjoy the subects.

i guess it might be back to the drawing blocks for me

or it might be the drawing blocks.

I think its time to face a more Artistic view for my major because this whole lesson learning stuff isnt working for me..

I have heard time after time that my feild should be sports med. but its not something that i love.

i want to be able to turn on music and get lost in everything i love to do. even if it is doodle.

But there is more to my passion, im done with being trapped inside because all it does is make me tired. but the moment i go outside and feel the air hit my skin its when im happy most.

i want to be able to travel and experience life outside America. be able to veiw the landscapes of Tuscany and the the feel the water in venis. clime to the top of the bridge in aulstralia.

i just want to travel

i dont want to be held back i the confinements in which i am stuck now

so i need to find something new. something that fits me more then anything.

September 14th

today has been a very intersting day. i have had the feeling like ive been missing something, and the feeling like im messing up in my life ad need to find a way to fix it

i feel as if im not giving 100 % of what i can for school
i really miss water polo and everything it did for me

i feel like i need to get healthly. and maybe i can start with running again and go back to swimming but i just dont know anymore

and got this feeling that everyone i have ever cared about has really drifted away

and dont get me wrong there is nothing bad about that

i just feel that im not doing everything i know i can be doing.
Maybe i just need to take the first step and get a new job because we all know that marie callenders will never be able to fulfill every need i have. i love eveyone there but i need a change. there is something with always having a smile on my face that bugs me most. I always have this feeling of depression that flows over me and i know that at work i have to hide it the most but i dont know what i can do to help me most

i just think i need to make the first step and change the real me. to someone that is a bigger and better person

i need to meet people my age. i need to find college student that understand everything im going threw and right now i have no one.

i just have a car that never works.

so i dont know what to do