September 14th

today has been a very intersting day. i have had the feeling like ive been missing something, and the feeling like im messing up in my life ad need to find a way to fix it

i feel as if im not giving 100 % of what i can for school
i really miss water polo and everything it did for me

i feel like i need to get healthly. and maybe i can start with running again and go back to swimming but i just dont know anymore

and got this feeling that everyone i have ever cared about has really drifted away

and dont get me wrong there is nothing bad about that

i just feel that im not doing everything i know i can be doing.
Maybe i just need to take the first step and get a new job because we all know that marie callenders will never be able to fulfill every need i have. i love eveyone there but i need a change. there is something with always having a smile on my face that bugs me most. I always have this feeling of depression that flows over me and i know that at work i have to hide it the most but i dont know what i can do to help me most

i just think i need to make the first step and change the real me. to someone that is a bigger and better person

i need to meet people my age. i need to find college student that understand everything im going threw and right now i have no one.

i just have a car that never works.

so i dont know what to do