October 3rd 2009

I guess the real question is why i am still awake to write this.

but i realized that everyone needs to take the time out of their busy lives to vent our just to think.

I found myself this past week just stressing over the little things. but i never took the time to do something that i loved..

i spent days at work for hours on end just so people can go out and live their lives, and be happy.

But when i wanted to be happy they just walked away and left me stranded at work where i want even happy.

I dont even know anymore how to tell people how i am feeling. because now i find myself keeping all my emotions in and try to show people that they are even getting the best of me.


But inside those people i work with are driving me insaine.

my boss doesnt realize that we are so under employed so we cant have shifts off even if it is for a wedding or for an important event.

the empoyees dont see the things i do for them to let them live life to the fullest.

and people always tell me that karma will always work their ways.

But i am tired of sitting back and not being the person my father would have wanted me to become.

But i dont know how many times i have tried to tell myself im a strong individual.

but in all honesty i miss the little things i left behind that i thought would make me happier without.

i miss the feeling of my blood pumping in a game. i miss everything about it.

i miss likeing to paint in color. because right now the black and white i see scares me.

im tired of being alone. and im tired of being afraid to open up to those that might actually really care about me.

i dont know what it is, but all i know is that this is the first step for me.

because i know if i keep it in i wont be able to hold it in much longer